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liz_jones:white_van_man_was_a_lockdown_he_o
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| Beide Seiten der vorigen RevisionVorhergehende ÜberarbeitungNächste Überarbeitung | Vorhergehende Überarbeitung | ||
| liz_jones:white_van_man_was_a_lockdown_he_o [2023/06/14 00:48] – created jimmynutt22119 | liz_jones:white_van_man_was_a_lockdown_he_o [2023/07/08 19:22] (aktuell) – created hwbkatlyn178 | ||
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| Zeile 1: | Zeile 1: | ||
| During the pandemic, delivery drivers became heroes overnight. | During the pandemic, delivery drivers became heroes overnight. | ||
| - | They rendered it [[https:// | + | They rendered it unnecessary to venture outside to the Co-op, where the shop assistant, shielded from you by a huge Perspex screen, would then lick her fingers to open your carrier bag. |
| In the darkest depths of , online shopping seemed to be our national saviour. | In the darkest depths of , online shopping seemed to be our national saviour. | ||
| - | I'm certain at one point we were encouraged to clap for delivery drivers, along with health workers and the men who collect the recycling even if they sometimes manage to leave a few bottle tops, cardboard boxes and yogurt pots as a sort of dirty protest. | + | I'm certain at one point we were encouraged to clap for delivery drivers, |
| And I'm such a loyal customer, I must have been photographed in just knickers and thick socks more often than as proof that my parcel has been delivered. | And I'm such a loyal customer, I must have been photographed in just knickers and thick socks more often than as proof that my parcel has been delivered. | ||
| So it saddens me to say that I am now at war with my delivery drivers. | So it saddens me to say that I am now at war with my delivery drivers. | ||
| Zeile 9: | Zeile 9: | ||
| | | ||
| - | Pictured: Stock image | + | Pictured: |
| | | ||
| - | Now that supermarket deliveries are made sans carrier bags, he thinks nothing of solemnly handing me my box of black hair dye. It's all so familiar and disdainful. I swear that one day he is going to say, sotto voce: ‘Wouldn' | + | Now that supermarket deliveries are made sans carrier bags, he thinks nothing of solemnly handing me my box of black hair dye. It's all so familiar and disdainful. I swear that one day he is going to say, sotto voce: ‘Wouldn' |
| - | Last week, some other idiot delivery man knocked on the door, then just stood there, mute. | + | Last week, some other idiot delivery man knocked on the door, then just stood there, |
| ‘Speak, man!' I said, above the noise of my dogs' barking. | ‘Speak, man!' I said, above the noise of my dogs' barking. | ||
| ‘Is this number three?' | ‘Is this number three?' | ||
| I pointed to the big number eight on the front door. | I pointed to the big number eight on the front door. | ||
| - | ‘Molly?' | + | ‘Molly? |
| ‘No!' | ‘No!' | ||
| ‘Frankly, no,' he said, shuffling away. | ‘Frankly, no,' he said, shuffling away. | ||
| Zeile 24: | Zeile 24: | ||
| He knows he sets off my dogs, but still insists on delivering leaflets for funerals and Sky Glass tellies. Whenever he brings me a parcel, I ask him: ‘Something interesting?' | He knows he sets off my dogs, but still insists on delivering leaflets for funerals and Sky Glass tellies. Whenever he brings me a parcel, I ask him: ‘Something interesting?' | ||
| - | ‘I doubt it,' he replies, | + | ‘I doubt it,' he replies, deadpan. |
| What's got into delivery men? And my postwoman, for that matter, who recently shoved a card through my door, despite me being in (listen, lady, I'm not Usain Bolt…). | What's got into delivery men? And my postwoman, for that matter, who recently shoved a card through my door, despite me being in (listen, lady, I'm not Usain Bolt…). | ||
| When I caught up with her later, I was told my package was now at the local depot. | When I caught up with her later, I was told my package was now at the local depot. | ||
| - | When I looked it up, | + | When I looked it up, the Post Office website states proudly: ‘Open 8am to 10am.' What do they do for the rest of the day? |
| (Image: [[|]]) | (Image: [[|]]) | ||
| Stock image | Stock image | ||
| - | DPD can be quite reliable (John-Paul, I salute you!). And Lewis, who delivers my coffee beans from Coffee Plant on Portobello Road once a month, you are a life-saver. | + | DPD can be quite reliable (John-Paul, I salute you!). And Lewis, who delivers my [[https:// |
| The man who owns my local deli is also heroic, but says when he brings around my haul that he now feels ‘a little like your dealer' | The man who owns my local deli is also heroic, but says when he brings around my haul that he now feels ‘a little like your dealer' | ||
| But I simply cannot overlook the men who just sit in their vans outside my house, eating (like smoking, it should be banned), refusing to hand over the goods as ‘there is still three minutes to go' until his break is officially over. | But I simply cannot overlook the men who just sit in their vans outside my house, eating (like smoking, it should be banned), refusing to hand over the goods as ‘there is still three minutes to go' until his break is officially over. | ||
| - | Or the delivery driver who wouldn' | + | Or the delivery driver who wouldn' |
| And I am not alone in my despair. | And I am not alone in my despair. | ||
| Zeile 44: | Zeile 44: | ||
| My worst experience with delivery drivers came just before Christmas. I'd ordered a book on gardens as a gift, knowing it would easily fit through my letterbox. | My worst experience with delivery drivers came just before Christmas. I'd ordered a book on gardens as a gift, knowing it would easily fit through my letterbox. | ||
| But no. | But no. | ||
| - | I returned home to a card that stated it had been delivered to a DIY shop in town. I drove to the shop, melting ice caps along the way. I told the man inside that him being a delivery hub defeated the whole object of online shopping. | + | I [[https:// |
| - | ‘I might just have well driven to a bookshop and cut you out of the equation entirely!' | + | ‘I might just have well driven to a bookshop and cut you out of the equation entirely!' |
| ‘I'm just a cog,' he told me, caring not one jot. | ‘I'm just a cog,' he told me, caring not one jot. | ||
| - | If you cherished this article and you would like to get a lot more data relating to [[https:// | + | (It's the indifference that really riles me.) |
| - | Being deaf, I misheard him. ‘At last! Some [[https:// | + | Being deaf, I misheard him. ‘At last! Some accountability! Thank you! You are, indeed, a c**k!' |
| Meanwhile, I can no longer buy a Phillips screwdriver within a 25-mile radius of my home. | Meanwhile, I can no longer buy a Phillips screwdriver within a 25-mile radius of my home. | ||
| Am I going to have to order one on Amazon? | Am I going to have to order one on Amazon? | ||
| Zeile 58: | Zeile 58: | ||
| All I've received in the past few weeks is a letter (remember those?) from George, who is 70. I don't believe he has a smartphone. | All I've received in the past few weeks is a letter (remember those?) from George, who is 70. I don't believe he has a smartphone. | ||
| ‘Dear Liz. I enjoy your writing, but you seem to have been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan. You also have the sort of face a dog wouldn' | ‘Dear Liz. I enjoy your writing, but you seem to have been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan. You also have the sort of face a dog wouldn' | ||
| - | I wish, darling George. | + | (Image: [[https:// |
liz_jones/white_van_man_was_a_lockdown_he_o.1686696511.txt.gz · Zuletzt geändert: 2023/06/14 00:48 von jimmynutt22119
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